“She might be without country, without nation, but inside her there was still a being that could exist and be free, that could simply say I am without adding a this, or a that, without saying I am Indian, Guyanese, English, or anything else in the world.” (Sharon Maas , 2000)
Where have you been? Seems like a simple enough question. But my answer would be so loaded. I cannot count the number of times I get asked where I’ve been, where I’m going, where I come from. And some how, none of the answers really seem to capture the tapestry of where on earth I have been, or how that would be relevant to who I am in this moment.
Geographically speaking in the last few months I’ve been dotting around states in North America. That doesn’t seem to add much to who I am right now. Neither does that fact that I lived the majority of my life in England. I have a name tag at work which says ‘Helen – England‘, and there’s something so sad about those two words which are supposed to define me to strangers. There’s Helen, she’s English so I better go over and talk to her about the new princess, right? Wrong!
I’m looking for some genuine conversation, a hint of reality, or even a smack in the face with some downright rudeness! As long as that’s a true representation of what’s been going on with you lately, I would prefer that. Rather than the mind-numbing socially acceptable way of communicating with one another.
I’ve found it hard to put fingers to keys since I moved, and I haven’t completely figured out why. Rather than trying to fight it, I’ve just decided to accept that I don’t have anything to say at the moment . Why don’t we live that way with all forms of communication? If you don’t have anything to say, just try not saying anything. My favorite people are those I can be completely silent around, yell my crazy thoughts to, or can have a reality check kind of catch up, which misses out all of what your supposed to say, and gets to what you really want to say.
Being in a new place hasn’t really changed who I am, neither did living in the old place. I’m tired of social norms, association with a country, and the devoid of content everyday questions.
I could reel off some geographical facts about my heritage, my upbringing, my job and what I’ve been doing recently. But all that’s relevant to me is whatever I’m trying to figure out about the world right now. I want to bring back that childish, no bullshit curiosity, playfulness and honesty that got trampled somewhere during the grueling school years.
Namaste, (I see that you and I are one and the same, so let’s skip all the trivial stuff).
Lets talk about something interesting? I dare you!